Sometimes the best thing that can ever happen to you is to lose control…
…and the past few weeks have felt incredibly out-of-control for me.
How so? Well, recently it seems that the more I try to to make things happen on time, the less they do. Everything feels “out of my hands” and I’ve been left waiting, praying, hoping that things will work out. It’s been a major test of my patience and trust.
While situations such as these end up snowballing from a lot of little things, the biggest problem has been a huge delay in my finances. Meaning, money I thought was coming in took twice as long to make it to my bank account, thus causing a tailspin of emotions and flurry of action to make sure all was covered. Being caught in this situation has been super uncomfortable for me and brought up feelings of shame, hurt, confusion, and panic caused by deep-seated emotions from my childhood. I’ve heard lots of “stories” over the last few weeks, and in the past, I would have let them take over, but this time, I took a hard, honest look at the situation and worked hard to eradicate them. I readjusted, redefined, and renewed my outlook on life.
Grounded by my daily practice, I work with each obstacle as another opportunity for growth rather than an impediment to my self-worth. Instead of focusing on what I feel I lack, I have been focusing instead on the abundance all around me. Aren’t I lucky to live in an amazing city, have my own apartment, be in good health, be able to feed and clothe myself, and have wonderful, beautiful friends to support me? I continuously remind myself that the “only way to it, is through it” and know that ultimately, I always land on my feet. Sure, the situation is not ideal, but it’s only temporary and before I know it, things will be back in balance.
As I said, this has been a true test of my patience and faith in the Universe and this time, I think I’m passing. I’m finding it easier to believe myself when I say “everything will be okay, there’s no need to worry” and that feeling alone is liberating.
And that’s the crux of it all, isn’t it? Freedom comes from within. It does not come from the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the money in your bank account. In fact, it is common knowledge that some of that happiest people on earth are those that have the least. While, I can’t say I particularly enjoyed the past few weeks, I’m still breathing, still laughing, still smiling, still loved, aren’t I? I have not, for one moment, had to “go without,” because everything I need is right at my fingertips.
The more we learn to let go of the expectations we put on ourselves, the easier it will be to live happier, fuller lives. When we stop comparing ourselves to others and take inventory of what’s inside, we see that we have more than we ever thought we had. It just takes a little time, confidence, and patience to find it.
Follow your breath, follow your heart and know that “things” are never really out of your hands, but in the hands of something much bigger than you. Trust, and all will be okay.